about getting from point A to point B in the most interesting ways possible

If you're a large woman in America, your whole life is an opportunity to feel self-conscious, embarrassed, resentful and way too big. You can hide in the corner or on the couch, you can go to therapy, or you can put on your lycra bike shorts and get out there and move.
—Jayne Williams, Slow Fat Triathlete

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December 21, 2004

grumpy permalink

It's grey and overcast in Portland. Chilly. It's the shortest day of the year, and I feel like it's permeated my flesh and taken hold. I was looking forward to walking in this am, to the release that that would give me, but my sweetie and I both realized that he had forgotten Mom's presents at home at the same time. I'd drive in, but my battery is dead. Etc.

I am going to get a little walk in, when I bring the presents to my beloved's work. So that will be good.

In my family, you don't talk about things that bother you. You don't talk about slights, snottiness, outright rudeness—you go passive-aggressive. I've tried to fight that as an adult, but it's hard for me to be forthright. Most especially with family. I get into these situations and it's like I'm 13 again. (Mind you, I was a good kid)

In my family, you write people off.

I've been upset now for a couple of days, unable to shake my funk about some recent behavior, none of which is new. I'm tempted to go to some extreme, but I need, really need, to go the middle ground.

Sorry to be coy. The person and actions aren't so much important, and I'm guessing that bad behavior is not exclusive to my family. I just can't seem to shake my hurt feelings.

I can't change anyone else. I know that. I'd like to figure out how to not be hurt—is there any way to protect yourself from family?

Posted at December 21, 2004

Comments

Not unless you put up an invisible wall, and what fun would that be? You are right about this--you can only control yourself. It's taken me a long time to realize that. Hope you feel better soon. Life is short:)

Posted by: susan at December 21, 2004 2:12 PM

hmmmm... in my family, it is only okay to talk about a problem *after* it is solved. We talk about problems in the past tense, as in, "I *was* really mad, but now I'm not". Talking about it before the anger was gone...not acceptable!

It's hard to protect yourself; defensive posture is just about the opposite of love. And, although you can't change them, you can change the way you react to them.

Whatever is giving you the blues, I hope you find resolution. Also, I can kick some ass, if need be. - Mia

Posted by: Mia at December 21, 2004 11:13 PM