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April 26, 2005
frustrating 
I'm just not having the best morning. I got up at 4:45 after getting what should have been enough sleep, and I still managed to get into work late this morning.
I had big plans to ride the bicycle in this morning. Last night, I bought a tire gauge, but did I check the pressure last night? No, hell no. So I get the bike out on the back porch, and bring out the pump (without gauge), and then realize I have no idea how much I need to inflate the tires. So I haul the bike back into the house.
I feel like such a poseur with the bike. Who'd ever believe that I lived on my bike as a teenager? I've never repaired my own flat, and here I can't even read the tire and use an auto tire gauge on it?
Part of this must be stress. I feel exhausted, and my stomach is very very unhappy, and everyone at work wants something from me, and I seem able to only move glacially.
Anyhow, the morning is grey and socked in, but there are promises of sunshine and warm temperatures later. I had overdue books, so I bagged them up and took them to the library, then after walking for about 20 minutes, caught the bus into town. Frustrating.
C'mon, Vicki, where is the upside? There has to be an upside here. Oh yes. So, I'm walking down 15th, which is not a street I walk down very frequently, which means there are all these new houses and yards and garages to look at. I love these big old craftsman houses, way too big for the likes of Sweetie and I but I still love picturing myself there.
There was some daphne odora planted at the edge of the sidewalk which I paused to smell—that is really in my top three of flower smells. I really dug a front yard that was totally full, overgrown even, with bamboo, and had a retaining wall of big stones and railroad ties. I wonder if I could do that in my front yard?
I saw foxgloves, giant, and ready to flower, and was struck with pain that mine got mistaken for a weed and got shorn down. Maybe it will come back. Or may I should just replant?
Once I got on the bus, I read the Tribune, which doesn't take long, and then Magnet while the other person in the seat fidgeted in her purse. First, she's wearing her name badge, then she puts it in the purse. Takes it out, put it back in her purse. The purse is small and nice and very businesslike, as is the lady attached to it. And me, I've got my old green REI backpack which is sadly showing its age, packed to bursting, and I'm wearing a big long fleece, and exercise pants, old running shoes on. Not businesslike. I'm overflowing into space.
While I wasn't paying attention to her, her constant fidgetting kept her in my field of vision, and I didn't even realize how irritated I was until I got off the bus, back into the fresh air, and walked to catch the train.
...
I've been on quite a spending spree lately. And there's something about the whole layoff issue—that it's being acknowledged, that our department has been touched—that makes me just want to go out and buy another bicycle. As if that would make up for my current incompetence! I know just what I'd buy too. Sigh.
Posted at April 26, 2005
Comments
Just pump up the tires until they feel hard and GO!!! Hey, the worst that can happen is a) you'll get a flat if they're too soft; or b) they'll explode! Try for a happy medium. :)
Posted by: Nancy Toby at April 26, 2005 12:27 PM
i think being in a department that has had/is going through layoffs is one of the most stressful life experiences ever eh? i think it has happened 8 times or more over the years in my area and each time i get this pit in my stomach and it takes weeks for it to go away (but it does go away). i buy stuff too :) it does help, heh.
Posted by: brent at April 26, 2005 6:30 PM