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June 24, 2006
the problems with dressing myself 
Today is the Multnomah County Bike Fair. I can't wait!!
It's funny though. I've been having the usual obsessive clothing thoughts. What am I going to wear? How am I going to look appropriate?
I go through this with just about any entree into any group, my feeling that I should look a particular way to fit in, and that not fitting in is the worst thing that could happen. Knowing I do this doesn't unfortunately help me not do this, it just gives me a laugh that I'm on the merry-go-round again.
But the thing is, I don't want to be someone else: I want to be me, gloriously me, and fit in because I'm me.
I could wear a skort, and I'm tempted, really to wear a skort. It's going to be hot today, and sunny. The skort has lots of pockets. But I'm afraid the skort is too "spandexy", too corporate cycling. And yet. VJ, this is supposed to be a bridging event. This is supposed to be for all cyclists. Dood, get a grip.
There's the other thought, too, that my legs just aren't what they used to be.
I had this thought, this memory, of when I see attractive, fat women downtown. They're gorgeous, and I'm not sure what differentiates them from the rest of us. Care? Self-esteem? Getting laid that morning? Who knows?
Anyways, at this point it's between the skort with a tshirt, and an old dress from K-Mart. The old dress is probably 15 years old. Right now it's kinda tight. I ripped a big hole out of the back of it on a bike a year or two back, so I no longer wear it to work. It's always seemed like a schmatte to me, but I always get compliments when I wear it. Right now, the dress is winning, but we'll see how everything comes out in the wash.
Posted at June 24, 2006