about getting from point A to point B in the most interesting ways possible

If you're a large woman in America, your whole life is an opportunity to feel self-conscious, embarrassed, resentful and way too big. You can hide in the corner or on the couch, you can go to therapy, or you can put on your lycra bike shorts and get out there and move.
—Jayne Williams, Slow Fat Triathlete

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April 16, 2007

self-image... permalink

I am so on the fence right now.

I want to be vegan. I want to. I felt better, I was losing weight, etc. But I'm finding that I need to make some permanent lifestyle changes to make that work, and permanence takes time and work.

Initially, I had thought, one non-vegan meal a week. That will work. And it should work.

The problem is, we go out to eat. I want to go out to eat. And generally, there just aren't such great options when you're eating out. For instance, last night: a fakin' bacon sandwich. It was good, but let's not kid ourselves: it's junk.

I love eating out. A whole lot of my self-definition is wrapped up in writing about Portland eateries. And it's clear to me that I don't really want to eat junk.

If I could eat out like I eat at home, I'd be all set. How's about some vegan bean soup and a nice big salad? That would be great. But I'm lucky to just get half of that.

I love mexican taquerias, and let's face facts, everything has meat and/or cheese in it. So do I just go to Mexican places for splurge meals?

I didn't realize this was all on my mind until I dominated a lunch with an acquaintance with talk about trying to balance it all out.

In some ways, in hind sight, the 6 weeks was easy because I knew what I was supposed to do. It was for a set amount of time. Cut and dried. Now, I've just got guidelines.

Anyways, I want to make some decisions.

....
So, a couple steps forward, a couple steps back.

This weekend, I ordered chilaquiles without cheese or sour cream. Now, it's quite possible that the sauce had some dairy in it, but this felt like a good compromise. Sweetie and I got a good walk in. And then, on Saturday night, we went to Dots and I had a cheeseburger. Typical. The next morning, chilaquiles with cheese and sour cream. And then the fakin' bacon sandwich.

Today, I had an orange and a bunch of pineapple, as well as my usual smoothie. Then for lunch, I went to a vegan-raw restaurant. I should have gotten a salad, I should have, but I ended up with a bowl of rice, beans, and chard. I tried their raw coconut milk soup, a ricepaper roll, and some cashew hummus & pepitas pate. It was a good meal, but, I am missing that salad.

Tonight will hopefully be better. We've got a black bean stew in the crockpot, and I'm looking forward to a salad with watercress in it! Am I a geek or what?

Posted at April 16, 2007

Comments

"A whole lot of my self-definition is wrapped up in writing about Portland eateries."

You could take that as a theme, you know? Writing about healthy places to eat in Portland, or at least healthy dishes. (Not necessarily vegan.) VJ, roving healthy foodie reporter. I would read that, definitely. And we would all benefit.

Posted by: scone at April 16, 2007 5:32 PM

VJ, this is such a great post because it captures the mixed feelings we have about the way we eat.

When you ate the heavier food, how did it taste? What did you feel? Did you have to suppress your feelings in order to eat it? Or did you love it and just want more?

You encourage me. I want a big salad and bowl of lentil soup to sustain me. I have experienced some periods of time on a mostly vegan diet and have felt some of the clarity and calm that you write about.

Posted by: cathy at April 16, 2007 9:04 PM