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January 22, 2009
hello, again.
I saw Hollie this evening and she asked why I wasn't writing here. Oh dear.
Part of it is having less time than I used. Part of it is just not feeling that happy, and not feeling like I have a lot to share right now.
But I had a really nice evening where I got to hang out with some very nice people, and it reminded me that maybe, at some point, my life will get back to being more warm and less hassle.
I've turned the corner. I'm no longer crying all the time, and while I'm sad a lot, really most of the time, I think it's natural. Of course I'm sad -- my relationship of the last 10 years is gone. It's a big change.
But I'm finding that I can take care of myself. For the most part, I'm not lonely in the house, but I do miss having my best friend close by. I think that might be the hardest part, the separation from my best friend.
In the last few weeks, I've begun housecleaning in earnest. I've been decluttering like a fiend, and the results are getting to be quite visible. A few weeks ago, I started putting away all the stuff that my beloved had given to me, all the "us" stuff, and things that he's left behind that he may or may not ever come back for are going into boxes so I don't have to still be looking at them.
I'm trying to figure out what I want my life to look like -- and what I want my home to look like.
My focus has been very much on my home. Suddenly, I'm feeling very domestic. Today I bought a cute apron at a tienda I happened upon, and I'm in the process of knitting one for myself as well.
I've gotten to obsess about things. I finally just broke down and bought lidded trash cans for the rooms that the cat boxes are in, and I'm so very happy about it.
In the last week or so, I've been obsessed with end tables. I've thought about repurposing something else, always a favorite of mine, but I think I've found what I've wanted -- at least, I've found it and tonight I must sleep on it. Tomorrow, hopefully, I can pick them up.
Work is a mixed bag. I still love my job and still feel very lucky to have it, very lucky to be where I am, but I feel like my new boss is unhappy with me. Initially, I had worked myself into a froth about that, but now I'm feeling a little more secure about things. It's not as I'd like things to be -- I want everyone to adore me. But that's life, isn't it?
